What do you think of my poem? (It's Dark)?

I think you're going to grow into a terrific poet with a little time. The problem I'm having with this piece is that you have a tendency to write things out in prose style more so than poetry. Try to cut out the extra words you don't need (like "the" and a"), try editing things out a bit to make it tighter, and be careful with cliche rhymes. But none the less, very good poem :).